Thoughts from No-one 1.0

 Reasons Humans are only slightly smarter than a chimpanzee (the lack of intelligence implied in these warnings  is an example of the brain damage inccured from watching television year after year after year


Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." --
In the information booklet.
"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo
for dogs.
"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.
( you  need to be told not to shove a hot piece of metal
in to body openings or your eyes. Really

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. (electricity +H2O=dead dumbass)
"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. (HTF)



"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device. (I'm not even going to touch this one)
"Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate
CD in a gift basket. (if its a child understandable,anyone 9 and over should be
 sanctioned from ever touching another piece for  life)


"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin
guards made for bicyclists.( I did not that)
"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. (Why because some dumbass tried)
"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. (Who hasn't over sprayed a pit and done this.let me guess somebody filed a law suit and tried to hit the litagation lotto)



"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off
the dashboard. (stoned or stupid)
"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a
container for popcorn.
"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.
"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.
"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. (you know it was being pulled down along  the highway  behind a riding lawnmower driven by a  drunk))
"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.(Aaah Huh)
"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. (Isn't eye irratation the purpose of pepper spray just wondering
"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn
Rock."
"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.
"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.
"Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter." (if it didn't i would return it demand my money back
"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.(just how many parts are Frisbees made of) 
"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. (oooh disgusting)
"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.
"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.( a math wiz  here right)
"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery. (so why did i buy this battery again)
"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.
"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer. (someone did not learn from loosing the first eye)
"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. (What about weed?)
"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. Example of why humans are called cruelest species in the milkyway)
"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. ( how does one traind in the use of air freshener again)
"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.
"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle
helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.
"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of
water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the
manual for a jet ski.
"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death."
-- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by
12cm.
"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. (unless your your wife or girl will not Shut the#@*$ up)
 "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in
Australia.
"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.
"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. 0So I am a fat person with bath breath. whats it to ya
"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a
bottled drink.
"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. (only if you get caught)
"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.(So It kills slowly right)
"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." (only if you get caught)-- On a box of rat poison.
"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.
"Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid(Good to know if i need to poison someone. )
"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller DanmmitDammit Dammit . i knew i wa forggeting something
"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used
to make gels.
"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.
"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.
"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.
"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. (was i could only use on a tree)
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman
costume.
"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.
"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be
prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. (FIrst of all Stupidity is not illeagle but  suicide is0
"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief
tablets. (don't worry i wont)
"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box. (Some little winey ass Scorched the roof of his mouth and and pitched a fit  about it)
"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.(all i can do is laugh at this one)
"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.
"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.
"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.
"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.
"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed
message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how
strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.
"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual
for an SGI computer.
"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. if it didn't contain nuts i woould wnt my mony back
"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.
"Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.
"Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."
"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping
carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.
"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22
calibre rifle.
"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer. ( again ooohh Disgusting
"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used
to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.
"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.
"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.
"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.
"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.
"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.
"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for
a wristwatch

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